Rainbow Row

Why is it when I am done with the day,

have just pulled the dust cover over my brain,

I close my eyes with a prayer but again

the Zoetrope of memory starts slowly to spin:

we’re kids at the beach, we’re covered in sand,

you trot ahead, and I just miss your hand.

The wind eats my words and salt burns my eyes,

sand sinks beneath me as you leave me behind.

Backtrack

What weary wanderer doesn’t need rest?

Not just to doze, to eat and to drink,

But a total rest of being, of soul?

Reasoning that all sins are forgiven;

Hungrily sucking the pill past my lips like communion.

Baptism

I feel it coming –

happiness –

like a wave;

I’d felt low because the tide pulled back.

Now I feel the energy

moving toward me –

gaining height, gaining speed.

Wash over me until I’m clean;

until I breathe it.

Whisperer

Someone asked me why I need a plethora of men.

Easy answer: it’s because it’s never love to them.

So I planned to give my heart away just one piece at a time,

and in return I’d get a piece of each of theirs for mine.

When a cup is filled with different things it doesn’t taste good or sweet;

turns out my plan does nothing to fix my feeling incomplete.

1600

So as it turns out I love you as such

That I only expect half in return.

I’m actively avoiding my lesson to learn:

You can love the wrong someone too much.

But again here I go, running to you,

Feeling weak in the knees and some shame;

It’s just that every time you call my name

My heart thinks my brain is untrue.

Not finished

Oh, Prince Charming,

You absolute darling,

You genius, you absolute doll.

It’s driving me crazy,

Being away from you lately;

Time has slowed to a crawl.

Trust

Whoops. I slipped,

I tripped, I stumbled

But caught myself before I fell.

My breath,

It got caught in my throat

It’s like a private hell.

Wait! You stay –

Don’t come that close

Until my shield’s back up.

It’s hard to trust

A helping hand

That asks what you’ll give up.

Never Again.

Love to you is just a mood
A feeling that you slip into
Like work, or play, or saddest boy in the world
Whatever works for you that day.

I didn’t realize it was a game
When I looked in your eyes or whispered your name
You always knew you’d leave again
I knew, too, but pretended it wasn’t true.

A distant shore, out there, somewhere,
You’re standing sad but strong
Lamenting that you’re so unloved
When I’ve loved you all along.

Make your excuses, make it my fault,
If you did any wrong you never got caught
How many people have you broken this way?
A forgotten toy, left to rot in the rain.

PAUSE

Stop talking, I’m trapped,
I’m under these stones
Already being harassed
By voices of my own.
Just everyone be quiet,
Just for a bit,
Just so I can think,
Just to take a breath.
For the love of God,
Someone ask if I’m okay,
Tell me it’s just today
And hold me as I pray.

Icarus

I saw the gates of heaven open wide
Carefully and quietly I crept inside;
Blinded by all the white and the light,
Covered my eyes and then in delight
Cautiously allowed myself to grin
Feeling everything I was within,
Feeling myself rise into the air,
Blissful and completely unaware
Of the darkness creeping up behind
Pulling me back to Earth and mankind.